Gobble, Gobble

...Turkey Dinner...

30 guests

20lb turkey

Martha inspired decor

Amazing food

9 missing folding chairs

6 found folding chairs

Night of fantastic fun

I spy a...

So the other night, a friend and I happened upon a book at a favorite literary mega store, at first glance the book seemed crass, insensitive and unrefined. At second glance the book was still crass, insensitive and unrefined, but was actually super hilarious despite the irreverance. This is what we saw,
Inside, on these crass pages was the secret world of douchebags and their trophy girls. Some girls, myself excluded, are strangely attracted to douchebags. Very cute and attractive women are lowering their standards and hanging out and dating these idiots. Why? Who knows? That knowledge still hasn't been uncovered. The entire book has countless pictures straight from myspace to prove it.

"A douchebag, what is that?" I hear the cry of confusion. This is my interpretation of said 'bag':

A guy who:

is semi attractive (in the worldly sense)

spends countless hours, grooming ie, body waxing, eyebrow tweezing, hair gelling, and tanning bed going

goes to the gym to get his daily dose of muscle milk and to pick up on hot chicks with tight little bodies

could at any point in their life wear a hat tilted at a perfect 10 degree angle

spends at least $250 on jeans and an additional $100 on the perfect slightly weathered, and oh so "original" muscle bearing t-shirt.

most likely could wear a leather cuff or have other such outfit accessories

loves to take pictures of himself on his blackberry, and send them to the 8 hot chicks he met at the club last night. Said pictures usually involve some sort of "sexy face," and the caption "u R so hott I can't stop thinking about u"

This listing is in no way complete nor all encompassing. There are so many different types of 'bags' that a book should be written about it, oh wait someone did write a book about it. My challenge to all of you is to ask yourself these simple questions:

Are there douchebags in my life I need to get rid of?
How many 'bags' can I spy at the gym, today?
How can I help rid the world of these 'men' and make the world a safer place to live in?

Extreme case of douchebaggery

Change Could Be in the Air

Sunday

Relief Society Announcement:

Enrichment Tuesday Night 7pm
Come join us for a night of fun and ask a panel of single guys anonymous questions about dating and girl/guy relationships. Refreshments following.

Inner Monologue: Wow, I feel really great about this. This could possibly be the moment where the great chasm of male and female dynamics can be bridged and mutual understanding and trust will ensue.

Tuesday

Anonymous Question #1: Why do guys struggle when it comes to dating?

Male Response: Could you repeat the question, we don't understand what you're asking?

Inner Monologue: Wow, this is going to be a fun night.


Anonymous Question #2: Why do all guys want to date 20 year old Barbie's with testimonies? No matter how old or creepy the guy gets?

Male Response: That's not true at all.

Inner Monologue: Correct!!! Of course that's not true because Barbie's with Testimonies don't exist, just like the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. But that doesn't stop any guy from chasing after that Pot of Gold. Sorry fellows, any girl with a 25in waist and extremely large man made "girls," probably doesn't read her scriptures or attend all her church meetings.

Anonymous Question #3: What traits and characteristics are most attractive to you?

Male Response: I want to date this type of girl, someone who...

What He Said (What He Meant):

Has a testimony (Goes to church, sometimes)

Funny, good personality (Always giggles at my lame jokes)

Cute, Attractive (Smokin' hot, tight little body)

Successful/Driven (Daddy pays rent when she spends too much on clothes)

Life Goals (Wants to get married before starting the rest of her life)

Be a Good Mother (Won't get fat while she's pregnant or at least loose all baby weight before leaving hospital)

Inner Monologue: Interesting, I'm so happy that single guys in this generation have their priorities in order. Oh wait, they don't. I guess that great chasm didn't get bridged after all. I've been sorely disappointed. They may say they want to date that type of girl but their actions speak louder than their words. I know so many amazing girls who date rarely, if ever and I also know some not so amazing girls that date all the time. Funny, how that works.

Refreshments/Mingle Time Following Panel: Five girls for every guy. I guess we enjoy making it blatantly easy for them and significantly harder for us. Maybe we are creating the world of lazy men.

Moral of the Story/Lesson Learned:
I don't know if there is a lesson learned, just that being single and living in this dating world is EXHAUSTING.